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who is merrissa williams? [Jan. 18th, 2006|07:57 am]
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[music |linkin park/jay-z - 99 problems]

well, i have had an interesting week. i found out on monday that i have 2 half sisters from my biological father that lives in indiana. merrissa and kendra. merrissa is 17 and kendra is 5 months younger than merrissa. both are seniors i believe. merrissa is half black which i find very cool. i got a phone number to get in contact with her last night so i will probably be calling her when i get off of number 2. i can't wait ot talk to her.

so how did this all come about? it all started when we went to indiana this last time for the auction they for my grandma's junk. apparently merrissa got in contact with my mom because she had found out about us and wanted to get in contact with us. it seems my mom and dad didn't want to release this information because i was not told about this from them. anyway, justin's wife heather asked him the other day if he knew who merrissa williams was. justin, of course said, "i don't know. why?" she said that merrissa called the house up there and was talking to mom. justin says he thinks heather already knew what was up because of the way she was acting. so the next day, with his suspicion accumulating and the repeating question of "who is merrissa williams?" running through his mind, justin goes to my mom and dad's house to find some answers. as soon as he poses the question he said my dad started crying. he said that my dad didn't want to tell us because he felt like if we knew we had a sister out there we might try and find our real dad and forget about him. so they were waiting for the "right time" to tell us.

so when did i find out about this? sunday night when i was sitting at my house, drunk, and already aggravated. justin says, "did you know that we have a half sister that lives in indiana?" let me remind you of something, i was drunk, so let's just say my reaction reflected that. "no! how the hell did you find that out?" i asked. "i found out from mom and dad kind of on accident", he says. well, i started to throw a fit and justin calmed me dow and told me i should talk to mom and dad before i get to worked up. "not a bad idea", i thought. so i figured i would give myself monday to chill and go to see my mom on tuesday.
so yesterday i go over there. i'm not in a bad mood, i'm just aggravated but not being rude or anything. i didn't eat anything all day so i was looking for some food and getting more aggravated because all they had to eat there was soup. i hate soup. anyway, i eventually ask my mom, "why didn't you say anything to me or any of us about merrissa when you found out?" she says, "well, your dad and i didn't think it was a good idea for the time. we didn't have all of you together to tell you except for Christmas and we felt that wasn't a good time." so i say, "when do you think it was going to be a good time? were you even going to tell us?" so then she says, "your dad didn't want you to get hurt. he was trying to protect us. he was afraid you would find out about merrissa and try and find ronny and then forget about him." so about this time my dad must of heard what we were talking about and he starts walking to the kitchen. what are his first words? well, it wasn't, "i'm sorry son we should have told you sooner." it was more along the lines of, "what the hell is you problem josh? what the hell are you so pissed off about?" so knowing my dad's temper and his tendency to get violent i tried to keep it cool. "i'm not pissed off dad, i'm just aggravated", i said calmly. and this is where you need your boots. so my dad starts getting scary on me, "no! your pissed off! why do you even care? you don't know this damn girl or anything about her. ronny has never been there for you so what the fuck does she matter? i didn't even want the damn girl knowing we lived in florida or you mother even to talk to her and...." by this time i am pissed off. so i interrupt my dad and just let him know that. i said, "dad, watch it because you starting to piss me off." so then the crap gets real deep because my dad doesn't like to be challenged. he starts getting all bowed up and yelling while he's walking toward me like he's going to hit me or something, "get pissed off boy! what are you going to do?" well, let's just say i saw where this was headed. me and my dad getting into it and him kicking my ass like always. so i just said, "fuck you! i'm leaving." their fiery words hit me in the back as i'm walking out. i left and went to the house to pull all this together.
am i wrong for being pissed of right now? i feel like they should have told me about merrissa when they found out about her. if i want something to do with her then that's my prerogative and my decision to make. i'm a grown man and am capable of making my own decisions. i feel like they are being selfish. they should have told me. i don't want to hear some bull shit excuse about not having us all together to tell us. how long would it have taken for them to tell me about her? were they ever going to tell us? my mom says my dad feels bad for treating us kids the way he did when we were younger and he doesn't want us to want to find ronny and stop calling him dad. i can totally understand where he's coming from. he's scared. but if he did feel bad about the way he treated us he wouldn't of been trying to get in my shit last night. let's just say i would have rather my kids know the truth, and make their own decisions. if i knew the truth and pursued ronny and forgot about my dad, how much love did i have for my dad? if i knew the truth and it didn't matter, which is the case, and i still stayed around and still called him dad, isn't that more important. to know if the love is real. instead of my dad "protecting" me he's really protecting himself. i'm not mad at him for not saying anything really, i'm mad at the way he handled the situation last night when i wanted to talk about it.

i need some insight on this. somebody talk to me.

[User Picture]From: lostandnameless
2006-01-18 06:05 pm (UTC)
it seems like your dad has some serious insecurities. its a good thing you decided to go with the 'fuck you i'm leaving option.'

regardless...they should have told you about your sisters. are you going to go find them and talk to them and all that jazz? would that piss your dad off?
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[User Picture]From: chasebychance
2006-01-18 06:37 pm (UTC)

yeah, all that jazz

of course i'm going to find them. actually my brother justin is moving to indiana on saturday and is going to find them next week. so i will definitely be in contact with them. justin is going to try and bring merrissa down when he comes to get his stuff in a few weeks. i look forward to seeing her. who cares if my dad gets pissed off. he's in the wrong and i deserve an apology. that's all that matters to me.
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