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I got to let this one burn [Feb. 6th, 2006|09:16 am]
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[music |Aaliyah - four page letter]

i don't even know how i want to start this but let's give it a shot. for the last six months i've wondered, "how the f did things get like this? what is the purpose of this heartache? was following my heart the right thing to do when i feel so lonely?" most importantly and the question that dug deepest into my soul was in a single word, WHY? i thought that i was being punished for something. i beat myself up for the decisions i had made. i blamed it on me. well, no one is to blame. if there is anyone to blame it would be God. but just like my mom told me this weekend, GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES. everything that happens to us has been seen, thought out, planned, and blessed before we were even born. don't lose the comfort that comes with knowing we have someone that truly loves us past this crap. and that He knows what he is doing. i just really hurts at the same time. it's hard to see the mountain through the clouds, especially if it's raining. at least i have some understanding now. thank you God for giving me that. i would of liked it to have been a little less overwhelming but joy comes in the morning. i can have some peace now. who knows what the next year will bring. i few things i know are going to be hard on me when they come but it's like that usher song, i got to let this burn. i pray this for you, please pray it for me.

Numbers 6:
24 The LORD bless you, and keep you;

25 The LORD make His face shine on you,

And be gracious to you;

26 The LORD lift up His countenance on you,

And give you peace.'